just4play's Blog

Whilst i was away on holiday last week,a terrible story was unfolding here in the uk.The trial of two men...accused of the abuse and murder of a tiny 17 month child.

This child,known publicly as "baby p",suffered at least 8 months of beating and torture at the hands of his own mother,her lover,and their friend.

When police were finally called to the family home,baby p was dead in his blood spattered crib,his back was broken,as were 8 of his ribs.His ear lobe was ripped from his battered head.He had been punched in the mouth causing  tooth to be knocked back in his throat and swallowed.HE WAS 17 MONTHS!!!!!not even old enough to know wrong from right.

Further examination discovered fingernails pulled out,one fingertip missing completely,and over 50 injuies to his tiny body.

And you know why all this is even more sickening???he was known to social services,even removed from the house for suspected abuse,yet they returned him to his torturers,He was seen by a "doctor" in hosital only two days before he died,the doctor failed to spot a break in his spine nor the shattered ribs....that poor baby must have been in agony..the doctor noted the child was"cranky"so they didnt complete the examination.

Both men have been found guilty of causing death and sentanced....as has the mother who admitted it. none  have been found guilty of murder simply because the jury could not determine who struck the fatal blows.The whole of the UK is outraged.....i'm speechess,i cant find the words...i look at my 17 month old son,and my heart breaks.These are pictures of baby p(peter)

A few  more days until British Airways carries me back to my love.

I can think of nothing else.The joy of being in his arms again,the sheer ecstasy of our nights together,and the heart warming sound of his heartbeat against mine.

Yet with all this joy comes anguish.The heartache of being torn apart again,this time,for much ,much longer.

I wasnt prepared for the agony our separation would bring after a beautiful August together.The memory of us clinging to each other at Tampa airport,him kissing away my tears.and holding back tears of his own,is still pretty raw.What a cruel twist of fate that made two lovers 4400 miles apart,meet,yet what a wonderul one!

Knowing this time,we will be apart for maybe 5 months,that we wont share christmas or new years together,makes this brief meeting bitter-sweet.I intend to cherish ever moment we are together,every touch,every glance,every kiss.

My favourite little man on youtube did this just for me!(my favourite song)

Some of you knew i was keeping a secret,This was going to be a surprise for my man,but for various reasons,i had to spill the beans.so now i can reveal what it is.

This summer,i flew to Florida,to meet and spend time with the guy i met on here and fell in love with.We had an incredible two weeks together...getting to really know each other. Leaving him,that last day,was agony...we had confirmed what we already knew,we loved each other,and now were saying goodbye,knowing we would not be  seeing each other or a long long time.The flights are costly and our funds,extremely limited.We promised to work towards  a reunion in the spring....in about 6 months or so.As my plane took off,i sobbed.

The first week home flung me into a deeper depression,we had taken our relationship to the next level,how could i wait another 6months to be in his arms again??Then,it dawned on me, we have the power to achieve ANYTHING..if we really want it.

I began to save...not money from my house keeping,but money i raised from selling my own stuff.Each saturday morning at the crack of dawn,i loaded my car with my possesions and drove to a local carboot sale (or those who dont know,imagine a  giant yard sale,then multiply by a thousand).

I sold clothes,toys,in fact anything i no longer needed..then,i sold my kittens(which did have to go anyway) and ,a pair of my beloved snakes.

Finally i had enough.Enough to fly my daughter and i back to Florida!!!

My wonderful guys' birthday is in november,and i will be with him to celebrate.We will only have 5 days together,but i would have done the same for even just 5 hours.

When i return,i concentrate on christmas,and after that,its back to saving again

i spent this afternoon,re-arranging experiences,and"cleaning up"my profile.i have also deleted several of my old stories.

Two reasons-firstly,i am tired of negative attention,emails to"chaT",and apparently,my profile gives off the impression of a cyber-slut.iam actually in a relationship with a wonderful guy,and have no need to "Chat"with a stranger

secondly-This site is also a haven for people who have experienced abuse etc,i am sure they dont need erotica forced down their throats every day.my circle is large and varied,but all are my friends-i will not be responsible for hurting or offending any of them.

soo,here is the biggie-apparently my avatar is provocative,as is my username.Do i change them?

I dont want  to post a pic of me,because i enjoy my anonimity.and do i really lay  j4p to rest?

I think these times are returning....lol

 </p>

so,last weekend i sold my kittens,a hard thing to do,but it was time.

would you believe...a neighbour walks into my work yesterday,and in her arms is a bundle of rags(at least i thought)....she asks me "is this yours?" and a tiny black kitten head pops up out of the blanket..

Well no,its not mine..mine are gone to a new home the other side of london...but this was found in my front garden..soaking wet and starving...Three guesses where this kitten is now...???

yep,you guessed it...in my house!!!i have advertised..but with no joy...she is sweet ,i must admit...but i REALLY REALLY cant have any more pets.

I think i'll call her foxy,because she has a foxlike face..........................

I  loved this song when i was a child...

My wonderful man sent me this

Looking out on the morning rain
I used to feel uninspired
And when I knew I had to face another day
Lord, it made me feel so tired
Before the day I met you, life was so unkind
But your love was the key to peace my mind

Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A natural woman

When my soul was in the lost-and-found
You came along to claim it
I didn't know just what was wrong with me
Till your kiss helped me name it
Now I'm no longer doubtful of what I'm living for
Cause if I make you happy I don't need no more

Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A natural woman

Oh, baby, what you've done to me
You make me feel so good inside
And I just want to be close to you
You make me fell so alive
Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A natural woman

 

At some point in the night the realisation hit me.Life sucks.For several months now,i have dared to dream.Dared to imagine that life could be good,that i could really give my kids a better future and be with the man i adore.Silly ,silly  me.All i have done ,is hurt myself,and send myself tumbling down towards depression.

We cant be together,life doesnt work like that for people like us.

Yes,i can (in theory) afford to buy a home in Florida,but thats where the dream ends.

What will become of my kids? sure,the youngest two would adjust and settle,but the older two??and when they turn 18 would they really be able to stay?The US could kick them out on their asses.Piles of paper work,confusing forms and expensive attourneys.conflicting advice and no one to help.

I hate my life here,struggling from day to day,paying a mortgage on a house i have begun to hate,to what end?a life of lonliness in a grey and miserable country where i cannot afford heating ,or decent food to feed ,my kids.

Why is it ,that out of joy,has come so much misery?

So,yesterday was the hardest day for me.It was the day i had to leave my love behind in florida and return to the UK.

I never knew emotional pain could hurt quite so much.For months we have relied on webcam to communicate ,then finally getting the opportunity to meet and spend time together.Two weeks of sunny days spent just relaxing together and romantic evenings spent watching the night sky,idly chatting and leading to nights of passion in each others arms.sleeping on tangled sheets til morning.

My way of dealing with the pain was to be mad at him all morning before the flight,(if i hated him when we part,it wouldnt hurt so much ,right?)WRONG!!when the time came to say goodbye, i clung to him and sobbed like a baby.Tearing myself away from Justin was like ripping my own heart out,and trust Tampa airport to choose that moment to play a classic tune over the speakers.

Hehe..this works for CC on soooo many levels!! have a great trip!!!

 ;

sorry..i couldnt resist!!

I insist on watching this movie  even though i spend the next few hours sobbing!!..is this the most emotional scene ever filmed???I think so.

sorry to repeat a story i wrote today,but i think many of you may have missed it

H ow dare a pervert approach me and start asking me if i listen to my teenage kids having sex!?! GET A DAMNED LIFE!

What kind of mother do you think i am??

This is a serious warning to all parents on here who get a message from a member saying how you are a cool mum,etc...

Be warned..he is sick and twisted ."

Today i received a message telling me how i was a "cool mum " for allowing my sons g.f to stay the night at our home...my response was ..basically that i knew they were sexually active and felt it safer that they were here ,than out in a park  or somewhere doing it.

from then on the messages became worrying..did i listen to them having sex???

hell no!! thats my baby!!!

the guy then said," yeah,but at sixteen,i bet his g/f has a firm young body"...ugh!!!!!

enough! i told him to stop right there..to sexually discuss my kids was sick and he should consider himself blocked..

i am mortified..i feel that in some way,i have made my kids vunerable..its the reason their pics are private in my profile..this is gross.

Am i over reacting????i dont know..but DAMN!!!  im his mother!!and i love his g/f like she was my daughter..

sorry,just ranting i guess..